Admin from hell - old style

Having been told by Prince Kaspian that my return in triumph was not safe and that we had to conduct a meeting with the Oracle in Delphi regarding my plans and travel. T'is not easy for a knight in shiny armour to make his way around this planet without the many enemies to notice.

However an imperial stallion was prepared for me and I set my faith to the sword and went of to Gunga City. Many happy faces greeted me as i arrived and it was truely a treat to find myself in the good company of other good knights - may they wear the colours of the lost kingdom however they are still brave warriors and for that one must pay respect.

After the first day of haggle and babble we decided to go for a pint at the local pub - or at least that is what I thought, being near the core of the empire and all. Nope sir indeed, off we went and ended up in a fish restaurant where they served the most delicious crab I have tasted in years!!  Manna from heaven !

What about the Rouge Raving Rascallion then? Well, not much to say, he is still rouge, still raving and all boys knows that he is a Rascallion to be careful of but good at heart and loads of fun however not the kind of knight I would like to have in battle.

All tthe best for now

//AFH

Prashant was one of those people that have a special precense. He was THERE and you could feel it. He was a happy person with a wonderful sense of humour and was easy going and not complicated. He had a very bright head stuck on his shoulders and as top of his class he had several degrees behind him. Dedicated at work with great attention to details without being micro manager he also approached everything in a very structured way and this is what earned him success in whatever he undertook.

After another successful day at work his colleagues said good bye and see you tomorrow, he went home to his wife and 2½ year old daughter and enjoyed a nice evening. He felt not well and had a bit of indigestion so he went to bed. In the early hours of the morning he spoke to his wife and still had pain in his chest but thought it to be the stommac but his wife insisted that he should go to the hospital. Confident that it was nothing he wanted to bring his clothes and everything so he could go from the hospital straight to work because surely this was nothing. Then he suffered a massive heart attack and died.

Prashant was a healthy young man in his mid thirties with all possibilities ahead of him. He did not smoke and led a very healthy life attending the gym several times per week. He went to the doctor every 3 month to have his checkup to make sure that everyting was in order. A man in his prime was taken from us.

In both Buddhist and Hindu way one would say that is was his time. You have your life to live, only thing is that you don't know when it ends and you don't know what happens after that. The younger generation are not so prone to beleave that the spirit will move on when the body dies. It is more rational to say that when it is over, it is over. You trust in what you see and we do no longer train our senses to see beyond.

Just before this, on Sunday afternoon, I decided to go for a walk and perhaps do some shopping in a more simple area of Kolkata. Walking through the inner maze of a market place I neded up in a shop where they had a corner full of religious items that seemed to be made of dark metal or in few cases brass. These were tourist trinkets and among them I saw several head figures of Lord Buddha. It came over me like a chock and I started crying with big tears from my eyes. The feeling of darkness, pain and death came over me and I stood completely still and prayed to Lord Buddha for strength but also for all those who suffer in the world. I tried to be strong and reach out and share my compassion but the feeling was so overwhelmingly strong and I had to slowly back out of the shop. The people in the shop looked at me with big eyes and one of them guided me out into the daylight. It took me long time to recover and I still don't know what it was but the feeling was so strong, so over powering.

As soon as I return home I will visit a temple and pray and hope to be able to talk to a monk.
I do treasure every moment for I know it is dear but I also know that I have to learn to let go
because that is the way of Lord Buddha teachings which show the path away from suffering.

Most of my colleagues here at the office are now attending the ceremony for Prashant and cremation that will follow. I have not joined as I was explained that I should better stay behind and that they would convey my condoleances. Hindu ways are also diferent from those of the Buddhist.

So this turned out to be a different day at the office compared with what I had expected.
But then again you never know, do you ?

Yours
//Jake

 Any knight need need armour, equipment, gadgets, a horse but most of all a brave bunch of soldiers. They also need armour, gadgets and all the rest to follow. This inevitably leads to something called "the budget process" which is something that can grind down the heart and mind of any honorable man and leave him sobbing in the street outside the local pub. The budget process as such is devised by cunning conjurers who dedicate their evil lives to making things miserable for those who want to step in to the sunlight and be regarded as a leader of men.

 

So there I was in my *chambre secret (*french for secret room) squinting at the glowing documents of horror. Lines, boxes, fields, numbers, instructions, exeptions - it all made a blurr in front of my eyes. Hastily I stood up and looked around the room in a deperate attempt for inspiration. A hidden dragon, a slithering snake, a cunning murderer, anything that could distract me from these documents of terror but there was nothing to ease my mind. My fist was grasping the sword but as my mind settled down so did my grip and instead my mind began to drift.

 

Perhaps this Budget thing was not so bad after all, I mean it is actually the key to more gadgets and equipment. It may even be the way for funding more soldiers. I sat down and started to look through the numbers. With such complexity it was clear that even the makers of this horror document could not grasp the complexity. I set about to place numbers in all kinds of boxes, filling in things I had no idea what it was and some that I did.

 

Many hours later I started to see strange patterns in the documents - changing one number made another jump, adding some text here made other things change there. Oh, the mystery of things. Now I finally had so many numbers that there just had to be more or less impossible for anyone to understand. This was perfect!

 

I called the courrier and send him of with God's speed and the devil in his hind sight to make sure that he would not stray. The word came a few days later that the numbers were not accepted - they were too high so I had to cut back a bit. This was the same message all knights got so now I was rolling. Take out a bit here, move some there, nip and tuck and here we are. Voila - a new budget was sent and so it went on for the next few days until un invisible deadline put a halt to all further changes - this was now it!

 

Looking at the complete fabulations of my creation I realised that I had managed to find money and resources in all kind of interresting options. At the end there was a big nice number so now I could start to move about some money from this pile over to that pile and so on. What a splendid opportunity to play trick or treat with the budget. There was always some money to be found and they could always be spent on something else and with enough confusion nobody would bother you as long as the final result was met.

 

They may complain if you exceed the budget but reach all other targets

however

they will KILL YOU if you stay within budget but fail to deliver !!!

 

With this in mind I smiled as I blew out the oil lamp on my desk and let the fresh air of the night fill my nostrils as I stood in the open window. The horses were idly munching away on their evening feed and a lonely owl was heard in the distant. This was going to be a grand year.

 

// AFH

It was dark and dusky when the horses finally came to a halt in front of the Castle of Furstenhof. Vassals jumping to attention, maids whirling about, stableboys, commoners, dogs and slaves all took a breath of awe when the brave knight from Hell placed his fot on the royal lands of Furstenhof. He was early, in fact he was an entire day early and not everything was ready yet. I smiled inside my shining armour - this is the best way to learn about reality when you catch them off guard.

The normal checking and credit card routine sorted I found myself in my very own "chambre secret" where I could leave my valuables before entering the town of Furstenhof as a common man and watch the street life pass buy. Finding myself a simple but sufficient Indian Pizza restaurant near the red light district I enjoyed a beer and the game where Germany was bitterly defeated by Kroatia and much later on my way back to the castle I encountered supporters of the winning team singing and dansing in the streets.

Blessed are the fearless for they shall go forth and so it was. The next day the new Lord Marshall had arrived with his whole entourage and the usual congregation of lords and knights surrounding him each one eager for his attention. Biding my time I saluted others as they came to me. This was not polite but very purpouseful since at the end of the gathering all others had shaken my hand and paied their respect.

The Lord Marshall set the pace of the gathering and all breave knights had to work hard, speak brave and be both witty and clever. This was truely a challenge and while all of them made it I had the fortune to excel. Naturally this was not to the delight of all the other knights and some even gave me the evil eye but they know to fear the fearless.

In the evening there was a proper banquet that ended in heavy drinking and while the beer slipped down my throat I kept my head clear and observed while interacting with the other knights. What a splendid evening it was.

Caviar from Nassau, spargelfish from Sachenhausen and wine from Krankenhaus. The food was cheesy and the deserts were creamy. The staff were invisible and the arrangement as such was divine. The Lord Master had really managed to set the stage for a most spectacular event.

At the close of the event after much had been spoken and even more had been drunk I left the stage and returned to my quarters knowing that I now have to move to the realm of Bayersholm. This is where the new and splendid kingdom will have its centre and I am one of the brave knights who have been selected to restore its former glory.

It fill my heart with pride and a sensation of really being empowered. I now have the blessing and personal support from the lord Marshall and also the Vice Roy has time and again expressed his absolute confidence in me.

Now we are on the roll !!!

Yes, my new job in Bayersholm will pay handsomely and perhaps I might even be able to affoard a new stallion !

Yours truely
// A F H

Creating a new organisation can be a sanctuary for incompetent managers and failure can be hidden behind frequent changes and blamed on things "outside my control". What a blessing for those who really should be sent packing. In the hour of destiny when the new organisation is created and external consultants with little or no knowlege about the actual individuals there is a huge window of opportunity for those who never got their engine started to gently slide in to a new safe heaven in the shape of a box in an organisational chart. Here they can rid them selves of all the projects and issues that haunt them by simply uttering the phraze "I am sorry, but that is no longer my area of responsability. You have to talk to someone else." Case closed.

 

We who walk the floor of terror, we who balance on the edge of the knife, we who dare the dragon - we are left with the short end of the stick and have to start all over with the next unfortunate twat confidently walking down the coridor. A new manager filled with hopes and dreams of personal benefits and achievements. As I innocently strike up a discussion with this new manager you hear the words fall from his lips; "Oh yes, the staff... or "the team" as I prefer to call them... I guess they need to have some sort of feeling of success too... usually I find that small gifts are well appreciated.... I have some T-shirts with the old company logo that could do well"

 

It is with a feeling of panic and anxiety I study the organisation chart and try to analyze what may work and what will definitely turn out to be "black holes" in the organisation. Where would the Petty Governor of Minor Matters end up, would he retain his magic powers or had he lost enough points ?  What about the Vice Roy? Well, he seemed safe. And then there is the Bloated Beggar from Roads Ends and what about Sir Point (of No Return) ?  We also had the The Mumbling Mollusk from Upper Cut would he actually get more powers now?  And what about all the new names, those who we have not seen before, those who come from assimilated companies... where will they end up? They don't even know our company culture !!!

 

"Mon Dieux" my brain was spinning like a little toy engine with too many batteries connected to it, I had to slow down and what could be better than to do a bit of good ol' fashioned Admin from Hell stuff. Reading some logfiles, nagging some local admins about some error they had no idea existed, sending a scary mail to a big boss about how soon the main server will run out of disk space and hassling some business managers about the latest technology on mobile phones that they can not get... Ahhh.... all of a sudden life feels much more controllable and destiny is once again back in my hands.

 

 Yours truely

// AFH

 The Petty Governor of Minor Matters called me with panic in his voice. The Scoundrel from Biatchini had summoned him to a meeting to discuss the non-existant salary increase that was approved months ago. Despite a bullet proof track record the increase was only spot on recommended average and the Petty Governor of Minor Matters was pouring with sweat. There was no where in his world he could understand that some times a salary increase is needed in times of trouble in order to retain good knights and not have them submit to the Dark Lord who always promise sweet dreams, cheese and crackers.

In a frantic call I had to wash up the ol' arguments for why the knight from Biachini was the right man for the job and so on and so forth... sigh. The Petty Governor was going to have a meeting with him later on the same day and was VERY nervous and upset about this. Normally I am the one to make bad things go away for the Petty Governor but this time it was outside my powers (and interest) to do so.

A short while later I was contacted by Cardinal Monetario who in a secretive and giggling voice told me that the Scoundrel had brought a friend to work and had told the Petty Governor that this was his support from the workers council. The Petty Governor almost fainted.... but he regained his colors when he found out that they were just pulling his leg and stormed off in to his room and slammed the door. Everyone laughed furiously !!!!  What a joke !

The Petty Governor has been so has been so upset lately that we have feared that his brain actually would melt down - something that most probably would be an improvment to his caracter. It is with little fear we now await the next chapter in the balet between the Petty Governor and the Scoundrel.  The Vice Roy has sense enough to stay out of these sort of comedy farses, the rest of us we just sit back and enjoy the show.

Yours
//AFH

The Lord Marshall's high quarter was that of lean, sleek, efficient splendor and even though I was kept waiting for more than half an hour the palms of my hands remained strangely dry and warm although the rumors were many and the window was open in the small room where I was told to await his Lordship. His assistant was that of friendliness and efficiency combined. It was not the feeling of excitement nor fear that had grabbed my heart, no - it was the feeling of the fearless. In this very small "la chambre secret" I was not yet aware that Captain Flash-Heart had made contact and once again offered his services. This time he had been rejected on the grounds that "we can not afford him in these times of cut-backs". So little did I know that I, his Padwan Learner, was going to be accepted on the very same grounds. Had I known that Captain Flash-Heart had the aspirations for the same position I would naturally have backed down - but know this, I did not.

The Petty Governor of Minor Matters had conveniently "dissappeared" and made himself in disposable during the great gathering of all knights of the round table. He had suffered a major blow to his already bruised ego in the new rank order of the troops but with his latest temper tantrum there was more to be lost than just face. He had, in fact, lost almost 80% of his troops to other officers and was now left with only the Bloated Beggar from Roads Ends and Sir Point (of No Return). The Bloated Beggar had followed the Petty Governor from early days and was loyal beyond compassion however Sir Point was new in the ranks but would always stand his ground firm, something that annoyed the Petty Governor immensly.

In all this loss of troops and face the Petty Governor was, surprisingly enough, endorsing me to the Lord Marshall - if this was because he knew that I would utterly fail or if he actually believed that I would do good is something I will probably never know, nor do I intend to find out.

As I was sitting in the small room with glass walls facing an open area where officials would hurry past and giving me a quick but inquisitive glance, I felt like a strange object in a "Cabinet de curiosités" but was at the same time quite comfortable with that. An old Admin from Hell is not that easily intimidated especially when he has been summoned for deeds well done to face the Lord Marshall.

Earlier that day I had been called to the den of the Viceroy and received the most precious instructions regarding what the Lord Marshall likes and dislikes. I was handed vital information for my survival and success but the bottom line was that I should remain true to myself - needless to say, I will.

I was interrupted in my thoughts by the Lord Marshall entering the room with long strides and a firm handshake to seat himself with back to the inquisitive knights, me on his right and the outside in front of him. This was a good position that gave me chance for bonding and trust which I took. The conversation was between gentlemen and knights and will not be recited here or anywhere else but the outcome was good and after an hour I was back outside the building with carrying both trust and challenge in my mind.

This was a good beginning
Yours
A.F.H.

"Well you know, this is the position your friend was hoping for, but he did not get it,  and he doesn't know... and  I never told you this"

Thanks pal - now I got bad conscious as well, crap!!! As if it was not a tough thing being called from grace, faced with the possibility to become a count, and then not hearing a thing about it, now I also have to beat my friend to the finish line and what is worse, he is on the same team.  This is not good news. Naturally I want to get the title but I hate doing it over my good friend so now I have to contact him - face to face and tell him that we are 2 knights fighting over the same princess and she has already made up her mind so he better congratulate me and prepare to follow my lead.

But this is not all because the famous Captain Flash-Heart has made his triumphant re-appearance amongst the troops. He was clever not to go to the Lord Marshall or even the Viceroy - oh no, not him. He is clever like a fox and smooth like a tank - nobody disrespect him, everyone will remember him,  some may not like him but ALL will follow him. He is the natural borne leader. He is definitely in line for the princess, for becoming count, for being the Golden Knight. Question is if he wants to, if the Lord Marchall can tolerate such a bright star so close to his chest. Yes, the questions around Captain Flash-Heart are many and one thing is for sure - I will NOT fight with Flash-Heart because besides being my very close friend, he is the Jedi Knight and my mentor and I am his Padwan Learner. To fight him would be to loose myself.

A mighty tale of woe and wonder and in the midst stands a dusty old fella with raggedy armor and a beat up shield waiting for the next battle to come.

Who would be interrested in an old Admin bastard from Hell? Who would even care?

Oh, I tell you - the new Lord Marshall cares. In fact he cares so much he even wants to interview me himself !  He will bypass his Viceroy and step down from his golden carriage to meet with little me, the mysterious rouge knight who aparently has been presented from a much more favourable point of view.  Who ever marketed me in front of his Lordship? The Viceroy ?  The Petty Governor of Minor Matters? The Rear Admiral of the Black Army?  The Bloated Beggar from Roads Ends? The Mumbling Mollusk from Upper Cut? Who ?

There is the chance that I am only a puppet in a show all set to stage another champion - they just want to make his victory look more real and at the same time stomp me even further in to the ground, back to my dungeons where darkness is a form of light. Well, if that's the game I am ready because I have been there before but this time I have a few tricks up my sleeve. I may look like a dirty ol' farmer from hillbilly hell but I know my ways around the ballroom and fancy talk like a snake in a chicken farm.

Leading matters in to worse I will meet many of my fellow knights and brave men next week. We will discuss matters close to our heart and make sure we stand united with trust and friendship as bonds that will make us strong in the face of danger. The new Lord Marshall will rearrange in the ranks, replace the mud and itch with those who obey and brave the enemy at the gates. But he is not sure who he can trust - so he will meet us one by one to see in our eyes who will be chosen and who will not.

If I make the ranks this time there will be hell to pay, for me, and I better strap down properly because it is going to be a bumpy ride!

Ave Caesar! Morituri te salutant!
A.F.H.

Nothing like a call from grace where the lord of lords sends a messenger boy to let you know that your presence is requested in a matter of great urgency and that you, without any further delay or fuss, should make haste and appear promptly. Ahhh... the klanking of armour, the coarse voices of great knights, the tatter of the ladies, the soft swishing sound of expensive fabric gently moving across the marble floor in the great hall. This is the centre of the kingdom, here is where great men have been recognized and evil makers destroyed, this is the centre of culture, finess and money.

Soon I will be there, trying to act natural in my shiny armour though it was such a long time since I had it on. The akward feeling of metal around your chest, the sword hanging idle at my side, the helmet carried with my left arm, the gloves stuck under my belt and my feelings well hidden. Just looking around the great hall there will be faces to greet and faces to meet. Yes, I have already had questions on why I am going there... and at this point in time.

There is a great reorganization in the kingdom and all that was new shall be changed. To me this is good news because being an old Admin from Hell I have never liked changes... well some are OK but most of them are just a nuicanse.

The messenger told me that I would receive the title of Count - in my mind I was thinking "Count Duku" but decided to play the low key. News of my fate would follow the next day. It was hard to sleep that night and my thoughts wondered as i lay there in my bed. The next day was spend waiting for the magic news - did they arrive... nope. And the next day, and the next, and the next....  Welcome to another day in the life of and Admin from Hell... why should this possibly work.

Hopefully this tale will continue - I will be back with the story as it develops.
Yours
A.F.H.

"Warp five, Mr. Scotty". Working at the Enterprise is no child's play that's for sure! Me and my team mates just found ourselves on the lower deck all covered in muck and dirt when we got word from the bridge that we had done a bad job. Servers were crashing, networks were wrong, groups not according to standard and so on. I stood up and took the blame while trying to understand where all this new information came from. Over the next few days we were litterally bombarded with errors and discoveries of various colours and creeds. What the h.... was going on ?

Turns out that the staff at bridge got them selves a new fancy tool with wich they could monitor everything and find out all kind of neat things. "Brilliant lads - is there a chanse that me and my team may get the same weapons?" , I wondered as I was sitting in my bunk.  The answer came early next morning: "Nope - due to financial constraints we have decided to only equip every 10:th soldier with a rifle..." 

*sigh*, so it was back in the mud-whole waiting for more granades to fall in, another sunny day at the office had begun.

Then word came from one of the Lords of the bridge:- "Your team is actually the only one that has been performing exceptionally throughout the year.  I have recommended you to be knighted !!"  I was completely dumb-struck.  A few hours ago we were on the same level as the maggots crawling in the left overs from the canteen, and now all of a sudden the sun was shining in our eyes?  OK so we had turned the ship around, cleared the deck, fixed the leakage, mended the sails, prepared the guns, rallied the men and kept the kettle boiling... but that is something anyone with a bit of determination could do - what's so special about that. At this time - apparently it made a great impact and why should we not enjoy the spoils of victory? We all looked at each other and the guys nodded: "OK boss, you go, and good lock up there"

"You have been invited to the bridge"  The words came like from above and I realized that within just a few days my future will, once again, change but some how I hate to leave the guys because now I know that they will get a new sergeant and God only knows how that will turn out but as one of the lads put it: "your fate is no longer with us"

Gods speed to all of you !

Yours for the rescue
//Captain Jake

Took my motorbike to work, springtime is here and everything is just wonderful. This weekend I had actually spend all the time with my family and we had lot's of fun and games. So fully charged up I headed off to the office and prepared myself for the next surprise and sure enough, before lunchtime I was standing in a control room with my jaws wide open, gawking at a large screen monitor.

I work in a small unit with just a few employees. This is great because we have a 2MB MPLS link in the same cloud as the hub centre so things should be hunky dory however, to my surprise, the network performance have not been that impressive and from time to time it is actually quite slow. In fact I can out-power the office network performance with my rinky-dinky home DSL connection that usually delivers speeds up to yawn-point-five-geeka-flips per second (which is equivalent to slightly below slow standard).

Engaged in a conversation how the new Notes client performs I was in the control room and received a demonstration of the video survaillance system. A set of cameras monitor the production facility from various angles and it all feeds to this great big monitor that's slapped on the wall. Very cool even though the control room already makes the scenes from the Matrix look simple.

Anyhow I was told that "modern technology" was used for the video surveillance and in fact they were all streaming the images over the network so that people from other locations could log on an check out the scenery...

On my question of the network team had been involved in the setting up of the cameras the answer was naturally "no" but there was nothing to worry about because this was all part of the project that once upon a time did this...

So why is the network slow... because HTTP and Notes have the same priority in the MPLS world and the stupid cameras are blasting away silly images to countless monitors that nobody bothers to look at anyway because all the REAL data is in the production system (surprise!!!).

Naturally it is not only this production facility that has been equipped with cameras...   and many users complain that Notes is "slow"...

I already wish it was Friday...     *sigh*

//Jake

All the knights gathered around the table and stories were told of bravery and woe. Bonds were strengthened, lies were demolished, rumors were enhanced and bellies were fed, all to the music from the ND8 upgrade band. It was truly good to be amongst so many friends and the thought of not having to brave the beast alone was very comforting.

The elaborate moment of truth comes when you have to stand in front of your colleagues and in a loud clear voice say "it was my fault". Naturally not something most of us look forward to do but once you've done it and all those uncomfortable questions have been answered, it's like sailing in to the clear crisp water of a lagoon. Man, what a rush !  The situation was made even more interesting when a close manager changed his mind and explained that he never had put any pressure on me to complete the task. Thank you... another dark moment to forget.

We are no longer working in projects, no sir! Now it's all about "proper projects" and "initiatives".  The kind of projects I do where we recently re-used an older server and boosted it with hard-drives, included it in the backup routines and launched it as an archive server bringing almost one terrabyte of data off the main servers are no longer good. This should now be turned in to "proper projects" and following meticulous models and elaborate orgcharts where business benefit will be derived and... *sigh*.   Over confident and under estimate - over confident in the models of project management and under estimate the power of common sense and once again so much will be lost just because of imperial vanity.  This is where we are now, and we are moving in to the age of "theoretical reality" - where in theory it should work but in reality it does not.  There is a server farm that will hit maximum capacity in 6 month but instead of allowing me to solve the problem now this will be placed in the hands of a "proper project". In the end I will probably have to resolve the situation anyway.

There is news in the air. Some of you may remember that the former Evil Lord Marshal arranged a tournament to compare 50% of Lotus Notes with 100% of MS Exchange. The outcome was a crushing defeat for the Evil Empire, not only from a technical point of view but also from a financial aspect. If a complete comparison had been made one can only dream of how that would have echoed in the hall of fame. Never the less the Evil Empire still lives on in financial splendor and the loss of one small kingdom like ours was apparently no skin of their rosy nose!

As you all know there is a new Lord Marshal and we, his brave knights, all await his first command. So far there has been a few general statements from his headquarter about the kingdom as such, the brave knights and how we should prepare ourselves for "things to come" but the big "ordres de bataille" are still to come. They are expected soon and we all listen for the thunder of hooves as the messengers ride out from his castle in Middle Earth.

Then when leaving the conference we all got stuck in an elevator -yes, really! A few people were left outside and one of them were the very same "close manager". As soon as he knew that we had called for assistance he was off like a dart, apparently he had some private things that urgently needed his attention... could it be the laundry or was it some knitting that had to be done before nightfall or perhaps was the kettle was boiling... I could only guess, but obviously it was much more important than rescuing the core team of his brave knights caught in the dragons cage hanging suspended in rickety old ropes just waiting to plunge in to the fiery Mines of Moria. So much for that "close manager"...

Yours
//J

It's that time of the year when the controllers and financial guys all get the shakes because it's SALARY TIME!!! Yepp, all the managers are forced to talk (poor them) to their employees and listen to all their babbel about how good they have been and how hard they have worked and how many hours of overtime they actually have put in although they never claimed it. You know - all that jazz.

In the recent light of events my credits with the illustrious boss was not on the high note but rather in a low key where something like The Valkyrie by Wagner would be expected to start at. Not feeling in the slightest mood for crawling in the gravel just to please the upper level tennants I just went about my business but with all the server crashing and admin4 clogging up I knew that my rates were down.

The salary increase was fixed in advance however there was a plus/minus 0.4 of a percent that could vary depending on good or bad performance. Can you imagine !!!!  So I could have been a real slacker at work, arriving late and heading off to the beach early to catch the afternoon waves instead of working my fingers to the bone all those late evenings and weekends. And all I would have lost is less than 1% on top of the pre-arranged salary increase!!!!  So guess who is changing the attitude for next year - he, he. Surf's up !

Next thing is that we're having a conference and I will have to stand up and explain to everyone what a bad bunny I have been and how I plan to clean the whole mess up after the split some 2 weeks ago. We noticed a funny thing with the Admin4 database where it actually stores ALL records for a particular user deletion until it has been processed on all servers. With a big server community there is always one or two servers lost in transit - going or coming, being repaired or not being repaired. How should I keep track of that...  *sigh*   Never the less they expect me to say something clever at the conference... I wonder if I ever will peak out in being "low"...

And surely you have noticed that the Admin4 stores things beyond the 21 days of normal lifetime expectancy. I remember an episode with Black Adder goes forth where he applies to the airforce and joins the "Twenty minuters" which he later finds out from his instructor is the average lifetime expectancy of a new pilot - not very reassuring.  Same thing will silly Domino - or rather silly local administrators - bringing in a backup tape from 1432 and replacing the Admin4 database on a local server that was shagged. Will anyone ever admit to doing something silly - never. So I am the one who has to fix it all, as usual.

I guess I am the only one admiting to mistakes and look where that has brought me... 0.4% down !  That's a laughter worth every penny !

Your man at the Banana Company
//Jake


...have you not heard ?

many monkeys in a tree
the ones who look down
see a bunch of smiling monkeys
the ones who look up
...well, you figure it out

 Naturally all hell broke loose - hacking out all those users in just 3 days and the AdminP chocked on almost all servers. What a surprise (duh?) When will I ever learn not to let myself be pushed around by other managers just because they decide everything has to be done in a hurry? Sure, I had my gut feelings that this would probably be a belly-up-show but I had myuself talked in to it!  ...I am a silly bitch some times!

So rather than moaning and watching the world go buy the Admin4 database was stripped from a lot of entries and normality resumed. next up is to add the deleted users (copy-paste, and "yes" I have a backup) in smaller batches, say 2000 per time, and then delete them immediately. This way the AdminP will start over again and raid the domain for the names to be deleted.

I hope this will be one of my last moanings because I am really tired of myself being so negative. Now it's time to find some new energy end get cracking!!!

It's either that or get a new job.

//Jake

Back again from the dungeons of confusion. It has been a few tiresome weeks but it was all worth it in the end. All of a sudden I received an answer from the dark side and the message was clear "Yes we are ready - GO AHEAD!"

 

The smile on my face had not seen daylight for many months but now it came - I guess onlookers (if any) would have said it resembled a frown more than a smile... anyhow now was the time and the cutting tools came out, paper & pencil. Yepp, still nothing quite like it - marvellous invention.

 

So with a paper and pen I started to cut out more than 10.000 users from the main domain, and subdomains, and this and that extra system. Quickplace, web and a whole bunch of applications. Do you think any of the application owners were pro-active in caring for their data... of course not. What about the special department for applications and information management... nope, sound asleep. Well, why would they care - after all it was only 50 servers cram packed with information, and they were all about to leave the shore to set sail on to foreign land, why bother about that !!!

 

Silly sods - and I bet they have big fat paychecks and fancy company car, for what I say? 

 

So the Admin from Hell made himself another cup of tea and started the careful work to separate everything, chasing down application owners, informing managers, local admins, information owners, well you know - the works. It was long hours but rewarding work to see the clean cut emerge.

 

Using the admin process and deleting users from the view "Mail Users" I could neatly remove group by group, but with the 64k limit on group size I had to watch my step not to flood the $NoAccess groups. Also the size of the Admin4 database had to be kept an eye on since every user deletion generates some 6 to 8 documents that need to bounce around the community and I did not want to clogg the network. Then slowly I could see how the gates were closing and everything started to look much better.

 

So perhaps there are even days in hell when the sun shine

//Old school Jake