Admin from hell - old style

Aloha and crumbs in my jam-jar!

 

Although not possible i was in the loop for Lotusphere. Yepp - my illustrious boss ended up with more free tickets than he could use so an emergency phoncall was issued to my number and with less than 24 hours to make up my mind I was confronted with the possibility to visit Lotusphere for the first time in many years. That would of course be nice - intresting sessions, demonstratrions, confusions, giveaways, long days, short nights and all that buzz.

 

However - being in the middle of some pretty serious admin stuff and mastering a global project that without my guidance would most definitely fall of the deep end I decided to say "no". The illustrious grunted and disappeared in a flash. Another trooper was elected and that was it.  Upon returning from the Fare he complained that his apartment now is so full of gifts and freebies that he have to throw away some to make room for the new stuff. The special-guest -suck-up-dinners he attended was also not so luxurious as previous years. My eyes naturally filled up with tears when I heard the suffering he has to carry all alone on his shoulders...

 

So now he was stuck with a new predicament - a free ticket to Cebit. Should he go or should he just chuck it away. I was about to suggest that he let someone else go but then I realized how preposterous that must sound to him so I kept my trap shut. Later on the same day I heard that despite all the fuzz and moan about him officially deciding not to go he had secretly arrange to visit the Fair anyway so I guess there still was some room in his home for some more freebies and perhaps his belly could host a few more free dinners.

 

Then the golden moment came - the sun finally shone on me. ND8 upgrade seminar in Copenhagen. This will be great! Just pure admin stuff, no lolly-dolly about new colours in the client or business yap-yap for the feeble minded managers, just the raw unedited truth of what is found under the hood of Domino. Grease, oil and AC/DC. YEA !!!

 

So what about the crumbs in my jam-jar? Well, if you are going to drive the boss you better not have a dirty car and mine looks like shit so I think I just lost my chanse of a raise for this year.

 

Stay cool

//Admin from L

Hello again,

This time the story is about getting a nice present and destroy it and then asking "why is it not working"

 

There was this thing about security and management of ID files. Naturally this is something that the company should keep close to it's heart and the admins even closer. The security officer had already declared that no id-files should be allowed to be kept on disks... so perhaps they should be air-lifted until requested... what do I know just beeing a simple bastard admin from hell. Anyhow there is this thing in Domino called "Password Recovery" which in ND6 is an elaborate process of hassling the users to get their updated ID-files and mobile directory catalogs without mail-in database names that fail to send from all the mobile users.

 

Anyhow, on a sunny afternoon it was decided that the existing PWR mail-in database should be chopped ini 2 and they should have what belong to them. Naturally I voiced some concern that the recovery authorities in the ID-files would probably not allow them to recover since most of the Admin team remained on this side of the fence. Voice unheard...

 

Split, slash, bang and all is well. The new domain set sail and start to leave port in order to embark on new adventures all on their own. No longer having to listed to that old nag in Sweden, blissful living was the ticket to ride. But just as they start to leave the dock they discover that lot of PWR are missing and the once they have are "difficult" to recover. Surprise, surprise... and fat bastard enters the scene from behind a crate of rotten harring.

 

So what do we do - "serve and protect !  " is our motto so we start to scavenge the fileservers and disks for ID-files. And like magic from secret layers ID-files start to appear and in huge numbers too. Not an easy thing to find the right one so one of our more brainy members builds a database that can collect id-files from a folder and then copy them to individual documents and populating some fields with interresting information such as FullName, OU1, OU2, O, Dates etc. etc. It's a point-and-click application presented to the delight of the crue on the new ship at the docks. The boat is hanging by just a few cables to the dock so we provide them with the new toy and tell them to keep it safe, keep it close.

 

So we are removed from accessing this new jewel and they immediately decides to add some more elaborate functionality, logging etc. You have already guessed what happens next. It stops working but to admit to such a silly thing would of course be bad for face so instead I receive a mail where they in a slightly irritated tone ask if there really is no easier way to use this application we gave them than to manually add the ID-files one by one...

 

Duuh...

 

I don't know why I am doing this... really...

Hot snot we are back in business!  The new slogan is both simple, secure and affordable so naturally it will appeal to those who are managers by profession and not by action.

 

My Widgets - what could better suck up the bandwidth in a corporate network than a multitude of small widget agents that users in all their blissful ignorance can probably configure to find the meaning of life hidden in the secret masses of the Internet.

 

Lotus Protector for Mail Security (or better known as Proventia, formerly ISS) - just goes to prove the fact that if you can't do it yourself go purchase someone that can. A few years ago it was more than clear that IBM/Lotus would no more develop the SMTP part of Lotus Domino. If this was a strategic decision or if it was due to the fact that all the guys who actually knew something about SMTP had left the building. All those brilliant code-maniacs who changed the product on the airplane both to and from Lotusphere. Man, those were the days. So now it is not a far off guess that these braniacs were recruited to companies like ISS etc. and then IBM got hungry after realizing that the market for SMTP management is huge! So what I am suppoused to do? Be impressed and happy or put my head in my hands and sigh? Anyhow I think Big Blue is out a bit to late this time because the Lord Vader has already decided on a third party product and this has been nicely fitted in to the enviroment since a few years back and we don't want to waste the investment nor all that knowlege..... now do we ?

 

Lotus Connector - here is where the opportunistics meet their antonyms. How can a typical neurotic Domino R.A.D. person understand the modus operandum of a SAP programmer? Have I not seen this again and again when something that "seemed like a good idea at the time" quickly turns into a big pile of bad smelling gue once in a Domino Database.

 

Naturally I am all for these wonderful new possibilities and fantastic new territories IBM has decided to map - it's just that I have decided to look at things from a different point of view and just continue being that old fart of a grumpy admin from Hell.

---

The new Lord Master has arrived! His subjects had suffered from a utter and complete brain freeze and an x-ray would reveal nothing more than a slush-puppie inside. No big thoughts of how to improve their life, sorrundings, the workgroup or the company, just a melting blend of rumours and blatant lies which only purpouse is to deviate the mind from productive work that iin the end will put the bacon on the table. But now finally the new Lord Master had arrived. He conquered and killed the old one and claimed the land as his own upon which he started a grand journey around the company. If seeking the holy Graal or whatever I will never now but he seems to be expecting something. What that is I do not know, but then again I am only a simple soldier waiting together with my troops for new orders.

 

The former Lord Master initiated a huge quest - Microsoft or Domino, James Bond or the Phantom. One drinks milk, work in the dark, always get the job done but never takes any credit for it. The other have a nack for making things explode, radiate a flashy lifestyle cluttered with gadgets and gizmos but he always get the job done..  and he drinks Vodka Martini, shaken not stirred.

 

The former Lord Master had a soft spot for James Bond and no matter how we presented and compared our answer was wrong. How could the Phantom be better than Bond. The quest was changed, launched and re-launched again but all the time with the same result. The former Lord Master was aggrevated and refused to decide in favor of something he did not like even though it was more than obvious that the other option was exessively better.

 

The troups rallied, the kingdom rumbled, drums in the dark. The former Lord Master probably heard the Balrog stomping ini the corridors and when he found himself alone in his office with no more support from anyone Gandalf the White knocked on his door and send him back to the darkness from where he came. A new Lord Master was appointed and fresh clean air blew through the corridors of the Kingdom.

 

Naturally all the people now started to dress the new master in their own thoughts and beliefs. "Oh, he seem to be a very determined man but yet considerate". "He is a very good listener". "Actually I think he will set the priorities to our advantage". "Now we will surely see more of the Phantom" etc. etc.   And so they would go on day after day without even having met him or even seen even the smallest decrets dabbled with his own ink. No, this was really turning in to a Lord Master of their own imagination.

 

And then it came - the first decret - written with his own ink, signed with his magnificent code stamp. All travel to the Kingdom of Far Far Away is forbidden. No merchants or technical soldiers will go there until...   Ahh, the mystery of management. Leaving the end open so each one can complete the sentence by themselves. How impressed I was !!!  He know well how to keep the shroud of mystery and to have it work in his favour.  New rumours fill the castle and all the knights and pompous men were kept busy talking and in doing so not seeing what really was going on.

 

The Phantom was watching from a far and if he could I am sure he would sigh. What new mystery and politics would be launced this time and how long would it take for the truth to prevail - but then again, the Phantom has been doing this for generations where Bond is just a flick of time.

Had it not been for ignorance and greed perhaps none of this would have happened but it did. Merger and split in the Domino world is interresting stuff because it is always a religious experience when 2 companies start to explain (or rather "show off" their specific Domino environment. Naturally both regard themselves as having the superior design as well as the deeper understanding for the nature of the beast. In the end the one with most persuasive managers gets the upper hand and the drama ballet can begin.

 

The external provider with the lowest price is now eagerly pacing the lobby and handing out business cards to passer buy in sheer desperation knowing that they have brought home a beast for dinner that is not entirely dead. Surely they think they can work out any minor details "as-we-go-along" but with ignorance spearheading the operation, failure is gathering at the horizon like the garage bills of my jam-jar.

 

Elaborate Powerpoint presentations and enormous MS Project plans cover my desk and all the theoretical managers and onlookers are electric with happiness and belief in the success of the project. So who is going to do the job and why am I missing all the basic stuff? Nonsense - it is just that I don't understand the glory and splendor of the plans and the elevated knowlege of the external provider and their iconic experience of Domino operations within large companies.

 

Finally D-day comes and the beast vomits. Despite preparations, plans, new hardware, test and monitoring software, drawings, workflow, etc. it all looks like a dead toad on a dirt road. The mail routing is not working, everything is piling up and you can't even see the plimsoll mark. Disaster is knocking on the front door.

 

With a sigh I start to do the "old school" and work from the ground up. Network links are checked, firewalls verified, servers kicked, Notes Named Networks scrutinized and connection documents sniffed. It takes about an hour for the real problem to show itself and then the rest is just work towards home run.

 

The thing of it all is that I no longer enjoy doing this because some halfwit cretin of a nitwit is bound to muck it up again in a few days - all in good faith to do some "cleanup work" or whatever that usually leads to a long nights excersise to get things back on track before the morning sun.

 

In a large corporation with operations around the globe there is always business hours somewhere so the great plan from HQ to do some after 17:00 hours work always affect some business unit already struggling to make ends meet.

 

So in the end the external provider takes the credit by presenting new, even more glossy, PowerPoint dreams. The managers congratulate the wrong people for a job well done and I go back to forecasting the next storm.

 

Yours 4 the rescue

/Jake