Admin from hell - old style

Creating a new organisation can be a sanctuary for incompetent managers and failure can be hidden behind frequent changes and blamed on things "outside my control". What a blessing for those who really should be sent packing. In the hour of destiny when the new organisation is created and external consultants with little or no knowlege about the actual individuals there is a huge window of opportunity for those who never got their engine started to gently slide in to a new safe heaven in the shape of a box in an organisational chart. Here they can rid them selves of all the projects and issues that haunt them by simply uttering the phraze "I am sorry, but that is no longer my area of responsability. You have to talk to someone else." Case closed.

 

We who walk the floor of terror, we who balance on the edge of the knife, we who dare the dragon - we are left with the short end of the stick and have to start all over with the next unfortunate twat confidently walking down the coridor. A new manager filled with hopes and dreams of personal benefits and achievements. As I innocently strike up a discussion with this new manager you hear the words fall from his lips; "Oh yes, the staff... or "the team" as I prefer to call them... I guess they need to have some sort of feeling of success too... usually I find that small gifts are well appreciated.... I have some T-shirts with the old company logo that could do well"

 

It is with a feeling of panic and anxiety I study the organisation chart and try to analyze what may work and what will definitely turn out to be "black holes" in the organisation. Where would the Petty Governor of Minor Matters end up, would he retain his magic powers or had he lost enough points ?  What about the Vice Roy? Well, he seemed safe. And then there is the Bloated Beggar from Roads Ends and what about Sir Point (of No Return) ?  We also had the The Mumbling Mollusk from Upper Cut would he actually get more powers now?  And what about all the new names, those who we have not seen before, those who come from assimilated companies... where will they end up? They don't even know our company culture !!!

 

"Mon Dieux" my brain was spinning like a little toy engine with too many batteries connected to it, I had to slow down and what could be better than to do a bit of good ol' fashioned Admin from Hell stuff. Reading some logfiles, nagging some local admins about some error they had no idea existed, sending a scary mail to a big boss about how soon the main server will run out of disk space and hassling some business managers about the latest technology on mobile phones that they can not get... Ahhh.... all of a sudden life feels much more controllable and destiny is once again back in my hands.

 

 Yours truely

// AFH

"Well you know, this is the position your friend was hoping for, but he did not get it,  and he doesn't know... and  I never told you this"

Thanks pal - now I got bad conscious as well, crap!!! As if it was not a tough thing being called from grace, faced with the possibility to become a count, and then not hearing a thing about it, now I also have to beat my friend to the finish line and what is worse, he is on the same team.  This is not good news. Naturally I want to get the title but I hate doing it over my good friend so now I have to contact him - face to face and tell him that we are 2 knights fighting over the same princess and she has already made up her mind so he better congratulate me and prepare to follow my lead.

But this is not all because the famous Captain Flash-Heart has made his triumphant re-appearance amongst the troops. He was clever not to go to the Lord Marshall or even the Viceroy - oh no, not him. He is clever like a fox and smooth like a tank - nobody disrespect him, everyone will remember him,  some may not like him but ALL will follow him. He is the natural borne leader. He is definitely in line for the princess, for becoming count, for being the Golden Knight. Question is if he wants to, if the Lord Marchall can tolerate such a bright star so close to his chest. Yes, the questions around Captain Flash-Heart are many and one thing is for sure - I will NOT fight with Flash-Heart because besides being my very close friend, he is the Jedi Knight and my mentor and I am his Padwan Learner. To fight him would be to loose myself.

A mighty tale of woe and wonder and in the midst stands a dusty old fella with raggedy armor and a beat up shield waiting for the next battle to come.

Who would be interrested in an old Admin bastard from Hell? Who would even care?

Oh, I tell you - the new Lord Marshall cares. In fact he cares so much he even wants to interview me himself !  He will bypass his Viceroy and step down from his golden carriage to meet with little me, the mysterious rouge knight who aparently has been presented from a much more favourable point of view.  Who ever marketed me in front of his Lordship? The Viceroy ?  The Petty Governor of Minor Matters? The Rear Admiral of the Black Army?  The Bloated Beggar from Roads Ends? The Mumbling Mollusk from Upper Cut? Who ?

There is the chance that I am only a puppet in a show all set to stage another champion - they just want to make his victory look more real and at the same time stomp me even further in to the ground, back to my dungeons where darkness is a form of light. Well, if that's the game I am ready because I have been there before but this time I have a few tricks up my sleeve. I may look like a dirty ol' farmer from hillbilly hell but I know my ways around the ballroom and fancy talk like a snake in a chicken farm.

Leading matters in to worse I will meet many of my fellow knights and brave men next week. We will discuss matters close to our heart and make sure we stand united with trust and friendship as bonds that will make us strong in the face of danger. The new Lord Marshall will rearrange in the ranks, replace the mud and itch with those who obey and brave the enemy at the gates. But he is not sure who he can trust - so he will meet us one by one to see in our eyes who will be chosen and who will not.

If I make the ranks this time there will be hell to pay, for me, and I better strap down properly because it is going to be a bumpy ride!

Ave Caesar! Morituri te salutant!
A.F.H.