off the Hook - 911s Chief Lotu...

US World and News Report, the New York Times, and the Uskawilla Penny Pincher picked up a story from the Associated Press this morning confirming that all possible .com domain names had finally been registered. "I realized it when I tried to register yellowskunk.com this morning and it was taken," said former Lotus Notes Developer turned sales executive Scott Hooks of Lotus 911. "I figured, 'hell if THAT is registered, everything else must be,' so I whipped up a quick Domino app to try every possible combination of known keystrokes up to 256 characters in length against godaddy.com looking for anything that I might be able to register. 30 minutes later, it was confirmed - no .coms remained."

Upon receiving Mr. Hooks' report of this, the FBI hunted down known domain name hoarder Nathan T Freeman, who under "undisclosed interrogation techniques" confessed to being the culprit and agreed to release select .com domain names such as lotinator.com, penguinpatdown.com, and badhairmistakes.com, back to the public community for purchase if he were referred to henceforth as the "Mastermind of the .com Coup."

"It's good to see Nathan do the right thing," said colleague Tim Tripcony. "There may be a small business person who has built a great business model and dreamed their whole life of owning partypickle.com, but couldn't afford to pay Nathan's exorbitant rates."

I'm glad to see I can finally register fermentme.com now," said Michigan resident Devin Olsen. I knew that no one else could have possibly had the same legitimate idea as me.

Nathan's press secretary refused to comment other than to say she heard him mumble something about .bs as he walked away.